pic by sume
Stepmother, who I was closest to of all my mothers, had prepared everything to the best of her ability. Rooms were ready to be re-arranged to allow us to squeeze between the empty spaces she’d made for us. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed her when I’d left. She’d been my best friend during my time in Nebraska. I’ve always called her by her nickname, but she’s been “momma” in my head since I was fifteen.
It seems a joke that I’d be closest to the one person most would consider an outsider, but true to my contradictory life, I grew closer to her than anyone in my adopted family. Perhaps it really isn’t so strange given we were both outsiders in our own ways, both of us having to make a place for ourselves in an already established family under unusual circumstances. Adopted Vietnamese Daughter, meet Dad’s really young, live-in girlfriend.
We were fairly close in age and spent a lot of time together in Nebraska. I was 15 at the time and she was 23. Dad was always traveling which meant my stepmother and I spent weeks and weeks alone together. We even worked at the same place. Children need constants in their lives and she was definitely one of mine. She carried a quiet and sometimes not so quiet strength beneath her bubbly exterior. She was a doer more than a talker and that was the example I needed. More importantly than anything, I could talk to her.
She served as a buffer between Dad and I. For her, it must have been like being squeezed and pulled between two invisible bull elephants as Dad and I fought our war of wills. Somehow, she found ways to unobtrusively insert her diplomacy and keep the peace. It would be interesting and probably a little painful to hear her take on Dad and I. Though I’d inevitably disagree with a lot of what she had to say, I’d probably find her opinion more credible than most. In the past, she hadn’t been shy about expressing her opinions. Whether I agreed with them or not, I felt I could at least rely on her honesty.
As I watched her hug my children, I wondered how she felt about us coming back. She’d always been insistent that I come back to Texas, but I don’t think this was what she’d intended. Whatever her true feelings, she didn’t hesitate in expressing her wish that we feel at home, even my friend whom she’d never met.
We’d barely entered the house before she’d whipped out two old photos of me to show him. One was my high school senior photo and the other from my senior prom. I knew the embarrassing childhood stories wouldn’t be far behind like the time I left the car on E and the car died on the railroad tracks. Then, there was the times she’d rolled the clock back, because no matter what, I had to be ten minutes past curfew every time I went out. And let us not forget about the time I lied about being late, because I’d driven into a ditch only to have it actually happen a couple of nights later. She had tons of them and wasn’t shy about telling my friends.
I couldn’t help but notice how there were no photos of me hanging up in the house. Not that I really blamed anyone. This wasn’t my home really. This home belonged to Dad’s new family. My children and I were just guests. Still, I couldn’t help but feel the sting of the omission. I couldn’t suppress the feelings of being an intruder, but Momma always made it better in her usual way. She immediately whipped out the photo albums and invited us all to look at the past we shared.
“At first, Sume was so unhappy in Nebraska,” she said, “No other Asians would talk to her because she didn’t act like them.”
“Momma, I didn’t think you knew. I never talked about it,” I said, surprised.
“Of course, I noticed,” she replied, “I’m your mother.”
Hi, I wanted to share my feature in Adoptive Families Magazine for National Adoption Month http://bit.ly/Second_Chances Would love to know comments. You can find me on my Mutts blog, or Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/deborahdash
Oh, Sume, that’s beautiful.
That’s all. I love reading these long entries.
that was touching…thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks Deborah, I will definitely check it out when I get some time off of work and will try my best to get back with you.
Thanks Oanh and take3. Sooooo contradictory, isn’t it? Life is funny like that, I guess. It’s been an eventful few months. It’s good to know you’re both still out there. I’ve missed both of you and need to catch up with you. Seems the minute I think I’m going to have some time to myself, something else pops up. >_< Big hugs to you both!
Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
come on girl, I’m waiting for another post 😀
i’ve just found you and hope you don’t mind i add you as one of my favorites. i have a lot of catching up to do (reading). your writing is absolutely compelling.
thank you for sharing your story.
Lump in throat.
Hi, I just found your blog. I’d like to add you to my bloglist. My blog is http://www.searchingforsolim.blogspot.com. Thanks for sharing your stories! You’re an inspiration.