Blogging has been pretty low on my priority list lately. Guess I’ve been a little more *cough self absorbed lately than usual. This may be a bit rambly, because I’m just now getting my thoughts together after a nightmare of a month. There’s just a couple of things I would like to clear up.
Actually, a lot has been going on behind the scenes of Ethnically Incorrect Daughter. Much of it involves lengthy conversations about TRA psychology, racism, globalism, white privilege, colonization and of course, adoption.
One of the questions that always pops up is, “So considering all that, how do you really feel about adoption?”
Just about every TRA I’ve talked to about this has the same reaction. I do the same thing. You won’t ever see me jumping up to say, “Adoption good!” Likewise, you won’t ever see me saying the opposite. No absolutes, remember? If the subject of adoption were that simple, it would make my blogging a whole hell of a lot easier. I could just forget about all those complexities and tangents and just go right to the heart of the matter.
As it stands, even I struggle with breaking down exactly how I feel about adoption and how it’s affected my life. There is just too much to consider and to over-simplify it, would be lazy, dishonest and misleading. So for those of you who sit there and accuse me of being self absorbed, well… yeah in a way, that’s true.
I have had to live this life. It is my wish to understand it and how it’s shaped the person I am today. That means a lot of self-reflection, picking apart my own experiences and reactions, becoming an observer and recording my own responses.
If I don’t struggle to understand my own perspective, then what am I doing? I’m nothing more than a bird that doesn’t know why it flies. I take for granted my gift of flight and never stop to think about the wonder of it. There’s just no fun in that, now is it?
Like I said, rambly…
Yes, I am human. When I see people out there singing, “Adoption good! You are good!” and doing the happy adoption dance, I want to smack them. Adoption is not all good and not all bad, it is a paradox of both. In addition, to view adoption without considering its history, why it exists and how it affects our world is short-sighted and possibly sets the stage for things to go terribly wrong.
The thing is that I have to consider that person’s perspective. I may not agree with their opinion but it’s still a necessity to take into consideration how they came to their conclusions. To do otherwise, is to miss the point of dialogue.
All that said, I’m not perfect in applying the concept. I can only try backtracking once in a while to look for things I might have missed. As a TRA, that is something else I think we become experts at doing. It’s not that we necessarily do it consciously, but is just part of who we are as a result of our need to connect with the past. At least that’s the way it seems to work with me.
So to all those who spit at us that we, adoptees who blog our thoughts and experiences are self-absorbed, then judgmental is as judgmental does. If we are self-absorbed in that sense, then so are you because you are speaking from YOUR perspective.
Again, like I said, rambly…
I blog the way I do for several reasons. One of which is that I’m tired of having people speak for me, framing my experience in that win-win light that is so not true. It is both indirectly and directly because of that framing that I had to endure a lot of racism and alienation in silence. I just won’t do that anymore.
Behind me, there are so many young TRA’s who will walk in a similar path as mine. There are still adult TRAs out there who want to speak out but either can’t or won’t. It’s not that I want to speak for them, but it’s nice to know that you’re not alone.
It was through one, very brave KAD that my isolation was shattered. What else can I do but pass the kindness forward? And still, there is more to it than that.
But I will end it here as this has gotten very long…