Heh, is there really such a thing? I didn’t intend for this to become the rambling post that it did. Somewhere along the line I lost focus. I guess my point was that there are those who do see adoption as a market for babies and would exploit even the best intentions for gains that have nothing to do with the benefit of children. Not being satisfied with this post, I thought to scrap it. Delving into this particular subject takes much more research than I’m able to do at present but it is a beginning. I think I bit off more than I could chew this time. It’s a nasty habit of mine. This may be one of those posts that I look back on and think, “Omg, I can’t believe I wrote that.”
My thoughts on adoption are always evolving with each new piece of knowledge gained combined with my growth as a person. Over the years many of my opinions have changed both as an adoptee and as someone looking in from the outside. I began this particular journey with my naivete in tact, struggling to hold on to my neutrality. It’s been a hard lesson to learn that neutrality doesn’t always mean “balance”.
While I consider myself still somewhat in the middle, it seems necessary that some must put their weight in where they must to help restore the loss of balance in adoption. Years ago, it would have never crossed my mind to write a post like this. Who am I? Just another adoptee struggling to come to terms with the life that’s been given me. What could I possibly have to say or contribute to a discussion that I’ve been so removed from all these years?
There are no college degrees to support the validity of what I say or that I know what I’m talking about, nothing to support the fact that there might be truth there. Why say anything at all? I’m not speaking as someone who knows anything but as someone struggling to understand, asking questions and voicing feelings previously strangled by guilt and fear. I didn’t begin writing about adoption with any particular intent in mind. There were a lot of reasons, but whether there was one main reason is anyone’s guess. At the time, it seemed like a nice way to vent.
Needless to say, my focus has changed as I feel the need to do more. As mentioned before, I’ve been looking into going back to school for a while now. It was just for employment reasons but even that’s changed. Who knows what I’ll be doing in a year or two? At least now I have some idea of where I want to be and what I want to be doing. The late bloomer as usual, I have a lot of wasted time to make up for. Hopefully, by spring I’ll be attending classes depending on time, finances and if I can keep my resolve.
In the meantime, I’ll leave this particular topic for those who are better educated and wiser than I.