I was in a contemplative mood when I woke up this morning. After doing two loads of dishes and four loads of laundry, I'm just in a mood. I talked to my friend "Su" the other day and was telling her about my blogging adventures. Su is Korean. I met her a few years back when I lived in Florida and we became fast friends. It didn't hit me till later that Su was Asian. Don't ask me why. I just woke up one day and realized OMG Su is Asian. Maybe it's because I had resigned myself to the fact that I would forever be a useless piece of lint left to drift upon wind.
Finding Su re-opened that old desire and since then I've been tentatively searching for a nearby Vietnamese community. I don't know why but Vietnamese have always seemed like a rare bird that I've had to hunt down and then approach with extreme care. Previous attempts have always failed for one reason or another which makes me even more skittish when it comes to the "approach" part.
Lately, distance is proving an obstacle. I've hunted through organizations like VAN, but they're on the other side of the country as are most of their meetups. I have four young children at home and am pretty much stuck at home base. I started googling for Vietnamese organizations in my area and found a students organization. Hmmmm…I'm too old. I found a business organization…I don't own one. I found a Vietnamese Catholic organization…well….nah.
Perhaps I should take out an ad in the paper: Severely culturally challenged, MVF looking for Vietnamese with which to interact, extremely shy with a slight twinkie problem but is working on it.
Nahhh…sounds too desperate and knowing my luck, I'd only get calls from dudes suffering from yellow fever. I know, I know, stop moaning and just get out there. That, however is easier said than done. There is the Vietnamese policeman that sometimes directs traffic for my kids' elementary school. Maybe I should just holler at him one day and ask, "Hey, where are all the other Vietnamese?" I really was tempted to but the last time I saw him, he took one look at me and didn't seem to know whether to wave at me or arrest me. That darn hijab does it every time.
There's a woman who's son attends the same elementary school. She has a daughter that she adopted from China. I approached her last year during the school olympics and spoke to her but only briefly. She always seems a little uncomfortable around me. I don't know if it's the hijab or what. I worry about her daughter. The fatalistic part of me sees her future but the hopeful part of me thinks she might fare better than I. The small town I live in is friendly and much more diverse than the one where I grew up. There's an active Chinese community in the city nearby.
However, adoptee support groups seem almost non-existent here though there seems to be plenty for adoptive parents. They're not the same things. I think transracial adoptees need separate, supportive space just for themselves, away from their parents because just as we can't fit into all their nooks and crannies, aparents can't fit into all of ours. Just as there will always be a gap between myself and other Vietnamese, there is also a gap between my parents and I. It's an inner thing where there really aren't any tangible lines. There are just some realms that I can neither follow or lead them into. Our meeting place must always be somewhere in the middle. Just as I am stuck inbetween, in a way, so are they.
Then again, maybe I'm just overcomplicating things. Maybe it's like that between all parents and all children. These days, I'm sorely short on answers. And the hunt continues…
Yeah, finding kindred cultural spirits is a tricky path to navigate, isn’t it? Don’t you wish that people had homing beacons on them or something? So you could put out a call, say, for all transracial adoptees? And all of them in a 50-mile radius would zone out and start gravitating toward your location without realizing why. Or there should be some member organization for ethnically detached souls in search of camaraderie with like individuals, with a national registry.
“ethnically detached souls in search of camaraderie with like individuals”
Oh yeah… ‘course when I was born, my brother really was the only other one around…
I agree on the support group thing. We actually had a small group going at my university, which was really cool for the short time that it met. I think numbers were small and the location was difficult for several of the “real adult” adoptees that came. But still — it was a really good idea, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
When I first saw the title of this post, I immediately had flashes of a camera panning in a close of an unsuspecting Asian woman with Steve Irwin whispering sotto voce: And here we see the elusive Vietnamese female quietly shopping for groceries….
Good luck in your search, there has to be others out there in your state. If it wasn’t for the Internet, I wouldn’t have found you guys. Meeting y’all has meant so much to me and put many things into perspective. Geez, I’m getting all verklempt!
There was a time I accidentally landed in a store in a neighborhood that was, apparently, largely transplanted Ukranians. As I was checking out, the Ukranian clerk was having a richly accented conversation with the Ukranian family in line behind me – comparing notes on the homeland. I’ve since called that my “E.T. phone home” moment. I stood there staring – almost wanting to simply follow that family out the door and ride home with them – without realizing that is what I was doing. I’m lucky they didn’t call security. I must have looked pathetic.
Though it is nowhere as poignant as your experience, I just wanted to say I can relate to what you’re going through.
Ji-in if only there was such a thing, then I wouldn't have to lift a finger. I could just sit on my lazy behind and wait for the doorbell to ring. Is that really too much to ask?
Tiel, do you think it brought you closer or had the opposite affect?
eun ha, I'm looking for one but may just have to bite the bullet and start one myself.
Haha Jaye, after hearing about Asian fetish wackos and their camera phones, I don't even entertain thoughts like that. They're always accompanied by thoughts of extreme violence and destruction.
Thanks, the internet is exactly what I'm using to do my searching for now. Dittos on meeting all of you. We need to arrange a meetup someday or a skype conference…something.
lol Rhonda, you describe it in such a humorous way. I don't do it now, but when I was younger I'd eyeball-stalk any and all Asian people who were unfortunate enough to cross my path. I wonder how I must have looked to them standing there with my Asian-deprived eyes. I figure I probably either looked really pathetic or downright creepy.
There are numerous Vietnamese events throughout the year. If you like to interact with young working adults, the Vietnamese Community of Minnesota is widely open to young talents like you (http://www.vietnam-minnesota.org/). There is also an organization that serve Vietnamese adoptees and adoptive families (www.catalysfoundation.org). There is also a Pan-Asian event called Dragon Festival on July 8th and 9th at Phalen Lake, St. Paul (http://www.dragonfestival.org/). If you are serious about exploring the Vietnamese community, I can definitely find you some wonderful groups to join.
Where I live, there is a sizable Viet community, but I do not always interact with it. My family have been long removed from the community for a variety of reasons.
I find myself making promises to myself to speak with Viet people I meet, usually at the shops I go to. But they invariably think I am not Vietnamese, possibly because of my partner, and the embarassment when I say something in Viet to them is acute. Or they’ve said something about me, in Viet, to their neighbour and so, out of politeness, I pretend not to be Vietnamese and not to understand.
I am having similar trouble finding good and interesting Viet blogs. I would have expected a proliferation but alas, there appears to be very little. I’ve found you (and now Bao Phi’s work, through you but his is not a blog), and that’s about all.
Best of luck finding what you are after.
Azianblood, thank you very much. I'm very interested and will be sending you an email soon.
Thanks Oanh, I've had some pretty discouraging experiences, too which I've written about. It's one of the reasons it's taken me so long to try again. Most recently, I got the cold shoulder from someone who didn't agree with my choice of husband. The insult was double because 1) it's not as if I didn't try and 2) that kind stereotyping of Asian women who marry outside their race makes me sick for several reasons. I'll save that for a blog post though. I've met some very nice people recently and it's encouraging enough to make me want to keep trying.
I'm still looking for Viet blogs. C.N. Le (sidebar) blogs and has a list of links that I'm checking through.
[…] me, it was a big deal. Over two years ago, I wrote a post bemoaning my inability to connect with Vietnamese adoptee bloggers and the Vietnamese American […]