The Last Day

The garbage truck is making its usual noise as it collects the trash from the enormous dumpster not far from my apartment.   During the winter months, it comes every other morning just before dawn to whisk away the trash.  That way we can all wake up to a nice, empty dumpster.  It makes it easier for us to forget how much waste we produce.

Normally, I’d be waking up to the Klung bzzz KLUNG of that refuse-eating giant, but sleep has decided I’m not worthy today.  So I’m sitting here wide-eyed but groggy, with nothing but the urge to write to keep me company.  Maybe the insomnia is partly the result of having my birthday on New Year’s Day.  Sounds nuts, I know, but seriously, I have to question the forethought of the person who designated Jan 1st as the day to celebrate my Poof-day.

The last day of the year is a time to think about the year that’s gone and the year to come.  What have you accomplished the previous year?  What are your plans for the coming year?  A birthday has the same affect on me, so the whole thing is compounded.  Throw in the fact that my life is folding back in on itself and BOOM, you have insomnia.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to be positive about it, but things are a little overwhelming right now.  For those of you who have no clue as to what I’m referring, sorry, it’ll have to wait.  Suffice it to say that I’m having to go back and confront all the demons I’ve avoided over the last several years.  I know.  I know.  It’s a GOOD thing!  I’m putting on my brave, demon-killer face.  See?

Sarcasm aside, I know it has to be done and all the more poignant that the year starts off this way.  New year equals new beginning, right?  Bzzzzt! No clean slates, remember?

The continuation of history must…continue. You can’t “wipe it clean” or you end up with a big hole to be filled with lies, half truths and speculation. Nuh uh. I’ve been down that route before.

That’s another funny thing about the coming year.  It’s going to test everything I’ve tried to become over the last several years.  It’s like the Universe is saying, “Okay, Big Mouth.  Let’s see if you’re the real thing or just full of shit.”  I don’t mean that in some self-centered way – as if the Universe really gives a pooh about what I’m doing or even notices that I exist.  Life’s just like that sometimes.  Occasionally, circumstances force us to put our money where our mouths are.  Damn.

So here I sit in my sleep-deprived body thinking about all of this and wondering, am I ready for this? Should make for some interesting blog posts as I’m trying to find out.  Yeah, yeah.  I keep saying that.  Don’t I?

Happy 2009 everyone!  May the new year bring great things for all of you.