Archive for December, 2008

The Last Day

The garbage truck is making its usual noise as it collects the trash from the enormous dumpster not far from my apartment.   During the winter months, it comes every other morning just before dawn to whisk away the trash.  That way we can all wake up to a nice, empty dumpster.  It makes it easier for us to forget how much waste we produce.

Normally, I’d be waking up to the Klung bzzz KLUNG of that refuse-eating giant, but sleep has decided I’m not worthy today.  So I’m sitting here wide-eyed but groggy, with nothing but the urge to write to keep me company.  Maybe the insomnia is partly the result of having my birthday on New Year’s Day.  Sounds nuts, I know, but seriously, I have to question the forethought of the person who designated Jan 1st as the day to celebrate my Poof-day.

The last day of the year is a time to think about the year that’s gone and the year to come.  What have you accomplished the previous year?  What are your plans for the coming year?  A birthday has the same affect on me, so the whole thing is compounded.  Throw in the fact that my life is folding back in on itself and BOOM, you have insomnia.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to be positive about it, but things are a little overwhelming right now.  For those of you who have no clue as to what I’m referring, sorry, it’ll have to wait.  Suffice it to say that I’m having to go back and confront all the demons I’ve avoided over the last several years.  I know.  I know.  It’s a GOOD thing!  I’m putting on my brave, demon-killer face.  See?

Sarcasm aside, I know it has to be done and all the more poignant that the year starts off this way.  New year equals new beginning, right?  Bzzzzt! No clean slates, remember?

The continuation of history must…continue. You can’t “wipe it clean” or you end up with a big hole to be filled with lies, half truths and speculation. Nuh uh. I’ve been down that route before.

That’s another funny thing about the coming year.  It’s going to test everything I’ve tried to become over the last several years.  It’s like the Universe is saying, “Okay, Big Mouth.  Let’s see if you’re the real thing or just full of shit.”  I don’t mean that in some self-centered way – as if the Universe really gives a pooh about what I’m doing or even notices that I exist.  Life’s just like that sometimes.  Occasionally, circumstances force us to put our money where our mouths are.  Damn.

So here I sit in my sleep-deprived body thinking about all of this and wondering, am I ready for this? Should make for some interesting blog posts as I’m trying to find out.  Yeah, yeah.  I keep saying that.  Don’t I?

Happy 2009 everyone!  May the new year bring great things for all of you.

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Happy Holidays

merry monkey love by sume

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I usually turn into a bit of a Scrooge this time of year, but recent events have reminded me that I should take time to celebrate the good things in life.

While I wouldn’t be able to define anything about this holiday season as “Merry”, it’s definitely filled with great things and potential great things to come.  Much of it wouldn’t have been possible without the help and support of my good friends, adoptee fam and especially,  my daughter.

Deepest thanks and much love to you all.

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ADK’s recent interview with

Through the Lens

She appeared a little shy when asked to strike a pose for the camera. That might explain why Anh Dao Kolbe, a gay and lesbian activist, said she felt more comfortable behind the lens.

“I used to be desperately shy and my camera has always been my security blanket,” says Kolbe, now 38. “Photography is a good way of meeting people and pushing through that shyness.”

Kolbe, who self-identifies as a queer, believes in the power of photography to create public awareness on gay and lesbian rights. A self-taught photographer for over a decade, the Vietnamese activist uses her images to educate people about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered (GLBT) issues, HIV/AIDS prevention, and to make the GLBT people more visible in the community.

“I like to document people’s lives, trying to capture their true spirits,” says Kolbe, now a health program manager at MAP for Health. “When people look at my photographs and ask why I took them, I take that as a compliment. It means I can explain and teach them my perspective–no matter what you are, either straight or gay, you can be proud of yourself and be successful as who you are.”

Kolbe says she takes a lot of pride having triple identities: being lesbian, Vietnamese and adopted. Born in Vietnam in 1970, she was adopted by her Greek artist mother and German architect father when she was 6 months old. The young Kolbe came to New York City in 1972. Two years later, she moved to the Middle East and spent four years in Qatar and nine years in Oman, where she had a blessed, carefree childhood with her adopted parents.

continue reading

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With the best of intentions

“cornerstone” by sume

I am afraid

“You can trust us.  We’re family.”

that I will lose myself again.
“Come home.”

Rescued from circumstances beyond my control,
“We’ll help you work it out.”

knowing everything will change,
“You should be here.”

will my identity remain intact?
“You’re one of us.”

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The Push

Funny how life seems to be constantly pushing me backwards.  It’s difficult to tell sometimes whether it’s the workings of the universe, the inevitable result of my previous choices or some combination of both.    Long ago, I abandoned the idea that life operated along a one dimensional, linear line beginning with Point A and ending at Point Z.  Instead, I’ve come to view the whole of life as this huge tapestry woven with threads of choice and circumstance.

The constant paradox of moving backwards in order to move forward has never manifested itself so strongly as it has these last several weeks.  As much as I’ve tried to avoid it, events have begun to merge into one singular voice that screams over and over again, “Time to go home.  Time to go home.”

This should make for some interesting blog posts.  *cough

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Just one of those songs that punches the adoptee in me right in the gut…

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