People have asked me if I believe she really even exists. I have doubts after so much deception, but my mind plays tricks on me. Part of it races on to dream about finding Cuc. The possibilities seem endless before I force myself to slam a virtual foot on those mental brakes.
Forefront in my mind, I have an apology on reserve.
I’m sorry I splattered your name all over the internet, but I was selfish and desperate. I was hoping someone, maybe even you would see it and remember. After the passage of so much time, the sense of urgency is overwhelming.
Please, forgive me.
There is that nagging fear in the back of my mind that she might not want to be found or that finding her would unintentionally disrupt her life in ways she might not want.
If you hear rumors that people are looking for you, it’s only me. It was not my intention to disrupt your life, just to thank you and hear your side of the story.
Then there’s that absolute dread that she may not be alive.
As soon I got the address in my hands, I started looking for you. I was so furious to discover dad had kept your address and request to get in touch with you to himself for so many years. Please know if I’d had known, I would have tried to reach you years ago. I’m so, so sorry.
Please, please, be alive.