I don’t know about anyone else, but “growing wave of American parents adopting in Vietnam” brings some pretty scary images to mind. Something else that’s disturbing me is I consistently see sentences like, “With adoption is growing more difficult in China and elsewhere, many American and European adoptive parents are turning to Vietnam.”
I’ve said it too, so I’m not complaining about it being said, but it does make me consider why it’s being said. As a Vietnamese adoptee, I kind of want to get snippy about it and ask, “Ooookay, so Viet kids are like a last resort option or what?”
I guess thanks to Brad, Angelina and the fact that the more trendy ones are harder to get, Vietnamese adoptees are becoming all the rage.
In March, when Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt adopted a Vietnamese child, they created one of the biggest media circuses the country had ever seen. But while they were surely the most famous foreigners to adopt in Vietnam, they were hardly the only ones. With adoption is growing more difficult in China and elsewhere, many American and European adoptive parents are turning to Vietnam. In Hanoi, Matt Steinglass has more.
The newest addition to their family is a little Vietnamese girl named Oriana.
“She’s six months. And just over five months when we got her. So we’ve had almost a month together,” said Cerise.
Jeff and Cerise are part of a growing wave of American parents adopting in Vietnam. Americans adopted 312 Vietnamese babies in the last six months of 2006.
Hi…I think the reason this is happening is because Vietnam has only recently opened up for international adoption. I certainly don’t think it’s happening from a “Vietnam is a last resort” purpose. Why would it be? Kids are kids. People who adopt kids want them really badly…the fact that China (and Korea! and Taiwan!) is becoming more difficult and that Vietnam is now an option–well, it just makes sense to adopt a child from Vietnam. My husband and I chose Korea the first time around…we now have a sweet little boy who wants a brother. I’m too old to adopt again from Korea (45), so we chose Vietnam, but certainly not as a last resort. I think to myself, ah that’s where my second child is, not hmm, can’t go to Korea, so we might as well go to Vietnam. I’m very excited to travel there next year. I once dated a man of Vietnamese heritage so I got to know about the culture and food (great food) a while ago. It’s a beautiful country with wonderful culture and gracious people. I can see why you might feel a little sensitive about people flocking to your birth country all of a sudden, but I don’t think it’s for the reasons you cite.
No, Vietnamese kids are not a last resort. When I talk to aparents and paparents what they want in an international adoption program is speed and predictability. With China out of the question for many people, folks are turning to other programs, Vietnam being just one of them. If I had the choice between China and Vietnam (which I don’t), I’d choose China, hands down, for a host of reasons. None of those reasons has ANYTHING to do with the kids. It has to do with the programs themselves as well as personal reasons.
I know what you mean, of course. One can’t help but conclude that when they go down the list of preferred source countries and land on Vietnam or fill-in-the-blank like this, that it was like when you pick teams for kickball in P.E., and all the strongest, fastest kids get picked first, and then the pudgy kids and the slowpokes are left until the end. (Hmph! *sniffle*)
I picture an international buffet of children when I read articles like these.
*sigh* Well, looks like you’ll have to brace yourself for VAD Trek: TNG.
The question is, Jeanne and margaret, why should the adoption process be premised on “speed and predictability”? The way you view adopting a child sounds more like ordering a hamburger from your nearest fast food restaurant. I think what sume is getting at is that the commodification of these children, by the adoption industry, host governments and adoptive parents is doing these kids a great disservice.
Also, to my ears, your sense of entitlement sounds like, “Hey, here’s my money, now go make me a baby quick, and just the way I like it!”
Another thing: why not adopt a child from the American foster care system? I worked at a non-profit adoption agency and I know for a fact that there are tons of kids waiting to be adopted. The process for adopting these children is much quicker because of a short wait time and less paperwork. Also, the fees are a lot more affordable than any international program’s.
Wait a minute. There’s that “speed and predictability” theme again. Damn.
Kevin – you need to go back and reread what I wrote. You are making a lot of assumptions about me. I specifically reiterated what I hear from OTHER aparents and paparents. I’m stating fact. These are people’s concerns. I really don’t think aparents and paparents have a preference for other kids over Vietnamese kids, which is what I thought Sume’s concern was.
I also really don’t think it’s up to you to make suggestions about who should be adopting from foster care. We all know that there are tons of foster kids. I have my reasons for not choosing foster care, and I don’t owe anyone an explanation for not forming my family that way.
Boy, someone is bitter. I feel for you. You see bad things everywhere. I guess it’s better than seeing dead people everywhere. You are looking for negative reasons into why people are adopting children. I have chosen to adopt my children for lots of reasons. Same thing for others who in the face of infertility choose, for instance, in vitro, instead of adoption. That’s their choice. Adoption was mine. One is not better or worse than the other–just personal life decisions.
We can’t adopt domestically because I’m too old and frankly, after three miscarriages I didn’t want to wait for a baby only to be told that, after I’ve had/him for 30 days, the birthmother has changed her mind and wants to raise the child herself. Some people can deal with that–I can’t. But that’s the way it is in the US. As for foster kids, people do adopt them. Just because I don’t doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I want a baby or toddler (that’’s right, I’m selfish. I’m not adopting a child to save it from some ghastly outcome as some people like to think when they say, “Oh, I’m so proud of you for adopting!” Why do you think people have children biologically? For selfish reasons! They want a child! I don’t see any difference in our motives for having children.)
The question for you Kev, is, who said the adoption process should be premised on “speed and predictability”? Just because you think/say it is, doesn’t make it so. In my opinion, the adoption process is premised on matching people who want to be parents with kids who need parents.
You said: The way you view adopting a child sounds more like ordering a hamburger from your nearest fast food restaurant.
HAH. If only. I would go to the ends of the earth (and I believe I’m close with the second one) for a child. I would not do the same for a hamburger. Silly assumption you made and a real stretch to compare the two.
You said: I think what sume is getting at is that the commodification of these children, by the adoption industry, host governments and adoptive parents is doing these kids a great disservice.
That’s your opinion. I think it’s better to be adopted than to grow up in an orphanage and then be kicked out as soon as they can fend for themselves. But that’s my opinion. Perhaps you have a better idea for these children. I’d like to hear it.
You said: Also, to my ears, your sense of entitlement sounds like, “Hey, here’s my money, now go make me a baby quick, and just the way I like it!”
Okay, point to what we wrote that would give you this impression…because I’ve read through the entries and can’t find it. Or maybe you simply hear and see what you want to see? Sense of entitlement? Are you serious? I don’t have a sense of entitlement.
Jeanne, there are so many things wrong with your statement, but I’m frankly too tired to argue point by point. Maybe you could spend some time really reading and talking to adult adoptees and spend less time trying to prove how right you are. And ps. the very worst thing an adoptive parent can do is tell an adult adoptee who disagrees with you that they’re “bitter.” Way to go.
I don’t think Kevin sounded bitter at all, but that has become the default way to dismiss an adoptee’s opinion when it goes against the grain. Kevin could just as easily come back and say, “Boy, someone’s defensive” with the same amount of dismissal.
Jeanne, it’s interesting that it’s the first thing you say in your reply. I agree with Jae Ran that there is a lot wrong with your statement and in suggesting you take time to actually listen to what adult adoptees have to say.
I’ll leave it to Kevin to decide for himself if wants to answer your questions but would like to add…
The fact is for many PAPs, speed and predictability are a deciding factors as well as cost. Many have admitted as much. You, yourself just said, “after three miscarriages I didn’t want to wait for a baby only to be told that, after I’ve had/him for 30 days, the birthmother has changed her mind and wants to raise the child herself.”
You also say, “I think it’s better to be adopted than to grow up in an orphanage and then be kicked out as soon as they can fend for themselves.” But that’s only for the ones lucky enough to be “chosen” which in your case, doesn’t include children in the American system.
I think the words “want” and “choose” are key words here and perhaps that is what Kevin was referring to. Correct me if I’m wrong, Kevin. Who is doing the wanting and choosing can say a lot about both entitlement and power.
margaret: by virtue of you echoing the anecdotal evidence of PAPs and APs you’ve talked to, whose main concern is the “speed and predictability” of obtaining a child through adoption, means that you either tangentially or directly support their sentiment. Thus, I took issue with that sentiment and I expressed so in my comment. I didn’t take your words out of context. If you didn’t mean for those other people to represent your views, you should have said so. Also, my question about adopting foster kids in America was a rhetorical setup for me to point out the cruel irony that there are so many adoptable kids here in the U.S. who deserve as much, or even more, advocacy from the adoption/social service community than they have been given. But, of course, as you’ve already stated, some people have the right, and I dare say the privilege, to choose whomever they want to adopt.
Jeanne: Thanks for the rant and the flippant “bitter” insult. I guess some things will never change.
Kevin, I’m not going to sit here and have you tell me what I meant. You don’t know me from a hole in the wall. But, if it does something for you to be convinced that you’ve got me all figured out, then by all means go ahead.
End of conversation.