“black on black…and white” by sume
Today, my son asked me about truth. I was in the middle of going through bills and mumbled that truth was fact. It’s either true or it isn’t. “How do you know if it’s fact?” he asked. “If it can be proven,” I said.
Good grief. When did my son, my baby start thinking about such philosophical concepts? He’s barely 10 and should be more focused on cartoons and toys. For the last two weeks or so, he’s been bombarding me with questions about life, religion, God and the natural order of the universe. I’ve lost my patience on several occasions, because he usually picks a time when I’m right in the middle of something that needs my full attention. He almost always asks questions that don’t have easy, straight-forward answers. I can’t figure out why the sudden change? He never thought about these things before.
I was talking to my mom today and mentioned it. She said I was the same way and nearly drove her insane with my daily barrage of “what if’s” and “why’s”. “Children are curious and want to know everything,” she said, “You should be use to it by now.” I guess I should be, but I’m use to questions that I can answer with a few sentences. My son is asking questions that force me to break down complicated answers.
In trying to answer his question, it forced me to reflect on my own beliefs. What is truth? Is there a such thing as absolute truth? I was just telling a friend the other day, that I’m not sure if there is a such thing. If there is, then I doubt human beings are able to fully grasp it. I hate thinking about these things but have never been able to help myself. I have a love-hate relationship with philosophy, with things that make me think too deeply. My brain can’t grasp such deep concepts but I’m drawn to them.
For the same reasons, I love to delve as deeply as I can into religion, science, history and matters surrounding the human condition. Perhaps, it’s all because I’m in some desperate search for the truth. But again, what is truth and can human beings slough the static of their own perceptions enough to recognize it?
The sky is blue, right? Well….yes and no. First, you have to define sky. How high is the sky? The higher, you go, the less blue it’s going to be and eventually it’s not “sky” anymore. You’re in space, baby, and that isn’t blue. Even if you stop at the troposphere, the “blue” is simply caused by a combination of light waves and atmospheric conditions. We perceive the affect as blue.
Nerdy, I know and probably a bad example. My point is that our perceptions can “color” what we “see”. What we accept as fact or truth, may not be “true” at all.
Stephen Hawking is quoted as saying, “The Greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”
I love that guy. Therein, lies a warning to all of us, that what we think we know, may not be what we think it is. This post is probably totally boring, but it’s something to think about, especially when it comes to judging other’s experiences. I fail in this on a daily basis, but was reminded today by a 10 year-old boy.
When people seek to invalidate another’s experience in order to put forth their own as “truth”, are they not, instead, creating a deception?
Oh gawd. Do I sound pretentious?
*Edit Attacks on adoptees who put forth a less than rosy point of view, have been a source of irritation for me. I know my post could be perceived as kind of a double edged sword, so I want to clarify my intent.
I’m incensed though not surprised by this latest attempt to invalidate her experience and opinion as an adoptee. Ji-in put it very well when she wrote, “It’s one of my biggest regrets about the international KAD community that we continue to draw these invisible lines between ourselves and invalidate one anothers’ experiences. We all have important stories to tell.”
I’ll comment more on this later, as it’s time for lunch, but the thought that comes to mind is Aleister Crowley’s old bit of doggerel in “The Book of Lies” that goes something to the effect of: “A red rose absorbs every color except red, there red is the one color it is not…”
For adoptees, the truth can only be written in pencil, never pen.
But it’s good to see the discussion beginning, rather than unspoken.
Remember that old Beatles song, Strawberry Fields?
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me.
No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can’t you know tune in but it’s all right, that is I think it’s not too bad.
Always, no sometimes, think it’s me, but you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean a ‘Yes’ but it’s all wrong, that is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hungabout.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.
I hate when things that matter are left unsaid.
See- I often consider how am I supposed to teach children about Truth, to value it and to seek it when, in my jaded old age, I’ve also learned that it’s never so black and white as people want us to think- never so absolute. It’s almost existential.
Without getting too nerdy, again, there’s the thought regarding all scientific research: A theory can never be proven correct, it can only be proven incorrect.
But do we wait in dread of ‘that exception’ which may or may not prove the rule?
Considering so many of us reading this blog have the pinball background- circumstances that just can’t be conveniently predicted as a simple equation of probabilities, I’m curious- are we even obligated to teach children about Truth in the same way that others say we’re supposed to teach it?
You could start showing your son the Napoleonic perspective that history is but a fable agreed upon. Or that to date, history is written by the victors/survivors, etc. But that may be a bit early to teach that lesson.
Better just stick with your original gut instinct: A fact is something we say has been proven. And brace yourself for the follow-up: How do we know if we’ve decisively proven anything?
Just don’t let him see you sweat!
*”Pay no attention to the mom panicking behind the screen!”
Boy. I feel like this was totally unhelpful. Sorry!
Haha Bryan, I’m beginning to think he asks me those kinds of questions just to see his know-it-all-mom squirm.
As parents, we tend to wrap Truth in morality which has its pitfalls because there’s a danger of teaching them to fear punishment for a lie rather than love for the truth.
From my experience, young children see the world in absolutes. Something is either good or bad, right or wrong. They’ve yet to get a grasp of the complexities of human thought processes and perception. I think their ability though, begins much earlier than we give them credit for.
From the day they start asking questions like the one my son asked, they are on their way to the loss of childhood “innocence”. The process has already begun. Why not share the lessons we’ve learned from our own unique experiences?
I say that with caution though, because I don’t want to overwhelm them and make my answers so complicated that they just end up confused. I’ve just been letting them kind of guide me along. Besides, our “lessons” don’t always come in the form of question/answer sessions or lectures on my part. It’s just the way I am and the way I live.
So no, I don’t think we’re obligated to regurgitate society’s sense of truth to our children. Just look at where trying to see the world in absolutes has gotten us. There is, after all, beauty in shades of grey.
The reason I put up that Beatles song is because of what it suggests about perception. Ironically, Strawberry Fields is the name of an orphanage where John Lennon was said to have played as a child.
From the day my daughter came home with homework involving Christopher Columbus, I began teaching the kids about “historic perspective”. I don’t think my younger ones fully understand but the point I was trying to get across was to always question what they’re taught about history. It’s a starting point.
I guess we can only try, teaching what we can when we can and hope that in the end, the gist isn’t lost on them.
I’ve always loved the song Strawberry Fields.
If you can manage to explain those kinds of concepts to your son, he is going to be very wise. This reminds me of my oldest sister’s almost-4-year-old (adopted Vietnamese) son, who has already been asking her very deep, serious, existential questions about death, grief, loss, family, the nature of love. Oh, and mathematical theory. Yikes! I mean, we all want out children to be intelligent thinkers, but … uh …
Anyway, thanks for the TRA support and the shout-out. The ignorance never ends. It’s STILL coming in. I think I might stop accepting comments on that post soon. One can only take so much idiocy before one’s head explodes.
Yeah, I saw the latest “move on” comment by presumptive/assumptive therapeutic amom who questioned your mental health. *Biting my tongue about the Korean babysitter comment.
I’m still laughing at your response, a very well-executed smackdown. I’m completely blown away.
Sume,
Rather than ramble on with my own lame thinking, I’ll leave it to a quote by A. Einstein:
“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”
For many reasons people feel threatened when someone else’s reality (truth) goes against or challanges their own outlook or reality. And because we, as humans, believe we are separate from everthing we tend to judge everything and everyone based on our own POV (reality, truth, experience).
Life is a lesson in compassion… its hard to get there… and many never do. There are no absolutes, nothing is fixed.
Yeah, and then how do you explain it when your kid catches you in a lie designed not to hurt someone? My parents called those “white” lies. I see a lot of that among my people (whites, AP’s).
JL has been watching Mulan obsessively and wants to know what honor is and what it means to bring honor to your family. She also wants to know what “a girl worth fighting for” is. I was at least able to disabuse her of the notion that a girl worth fighting for is a girl who needs her butt kicked.
I often get very exasperated, not as much with her, but with my lack of ready answers.
Though not a parent, I can try to imagine what that would be like. I myself remember being that 10 year old child asking my parents every question imaginable, certain that they had all the answers. Of course, they didn’t but they did their best and were honest when they didn’t know. I appreciate that.
Since working with kids on a regular basis I’ve realized just how much my words have an influence over them. It seems that around 3 they start asking “Why?” to everything and it begins this long chain of responses.
Child: “Why can’t we play outside?”
Me: Because it’s raining.
Child:”Why?”
Me: Um…because the clouds are dark? Then I realize I’m no weather woman and have to come up with a quick answer that will suffice but also make sense to a 3 year old.
I commend you for questioning your own truth.
Not a boring post at all…..rather, that was very thought provoking. It’s interesting, and sometimes frustrating and even scary how people can perceive situations so differently (have there own version of the truth)….sometimes to the point of denying someone else’s truth. Same with situations where there is something that we don’t want to believe is true….so we deny that it’s true, sometimes despite information to the contrary.
It’s awsome that your young son is asking such questions.
the voyage,
BUT that is exactly the point: personal truth (as opposed to scientific “truth”) IS based on personal perspective. Everyone has a perspective, a personal truth and a personal reality built of their own experiences and temprament (and dare I say it?) religious/moral/cultural/social indoctrination.
NO 2 people expereience an event the same way. Its just not possible, our brains don’t work that way. We remember different details, different emotions, different reactions. {This is one reason eye-witness testimony really isn’t very accurate.}
The whole denial of other peoples’ truths/realities is due in large part to humans who are rigidly tied to their OWN set of values and truths/realities. If you firmly believe that something is ABSOLUTE and that what *you* saw/experienced is the only way it happened… well, *you* are not going to budge on someone else’s version. To admit that it could have been another way, that someone may have experienced something different from *you* threatens *your* sense of security and *your* sense of being *right* which is ever so important for a lot of people (this is something I fight within my own self – one of my demons).
The concept of time and space is way, way to complex for most folks to even consider. The fact that we humas are so limited in time and space makes us very rigid in how we perceive the world…. We really like to believe that we are unique and separate from the Universe when we are made up of all the same stuff and are a part of the whole machine… should give one pause,no?
We want to justify and rationalize every minute, every thought, every event when in reality none of it truly exists except in OUR own minds. We are our OWN thoughts and as a result we are obligated to respect and acknowledge the experiences of others as “truth”. Often this means going way out beyond our security zone. Often, anything that doesn’t fit our personal truth is rejected out right as wrong or false simply because it threatens OUR reality (deep inside there we are only mammals trying to survive).
Sume, the definition that you provided your son is fine for his age. It is concrete enough for him to grasp at this point in his development. As his abstract thinking develops you can expand on it… or not.
Its a question that will come up if he is a deep thinker (FWIW, I’ve had the same question and others from my 5 3/4 yo and as an adoptee I think its important that she understand the many perspectives and changing nature of “truth” – like Brian said, “For adoptees, the truth can only be written in pencil, never pen.” Everything about her early life is is couched in “as best we know” or “according to what THEY told us”. )
Science tends to shy away from the use of the word “truth” since nothing can actually be proven – only dis-proven. The scientific construct exists in such a way as to allow for phenomona to be shown to be not possible rather than possible. Science tends to seek for “approximate truths”.
Since the word truth lends its self toward evaluation of accuracy, who is to say one person’s version is more “real” than anothers?
Sorry to ramble… I am taking up way too much space. Obviously this is a question I ponder a LOT… on my way to searching for the *truth*.
Great post Sume… as always, you raise very good questions that generate a lot of thought.
Allow me to let more of my geekness show.
Moral truth is wrapped in perspective i.e. religion, cultural values, personal experience. “Truth” according to science is a little on the slippery side. I think science takes into account possibilities that moral or personal truth doesn’t.
Ever see that old NOVA show, The Elegant Universe? Now, if we really want to throw a wrench in the wheel of “reality” or “truth” we can bring in quantum science. It throws the whole notion, as we know it, out of whack.
Ah, Sume, a much more succinct analysis… I was trying to get at the quantum concept without really going there.
And, I know that my sense of truth is wrapped up in my spiritual training along with my geeky physics – which is limited at best.
But then, the more I think I know, the less I know about anything.
Thanks again for opening this up. I’ve had a good week reviewing my own beliefs because of it.
Diana H,
That was my point.
I don’t really want to turn Sume’s comments into a discussion board (unless that’s ok with her). You can email me at bookstruck@yahoo.com