Jaye was kind enough to forward this to me. Out of respect for her, I'm posting my reply here. Jeanine writes:
sume – I read these blogs (Jaye's, Ji-in's, Julia's JAM, any others they have listed) in hopes that I will learn something that will help me be a better mother to my daughters. Why do you read the blogs of adoptive mothers? don't you already know what you might find there? is that sado-masochistic?
Actually, no, I don't always know what I'll find. Even after the cheesy China doll article, I started reading her blog with the thought in mind that reporters and editors sometimes spin what they're reporting. It was the writer of the article that chose the offensive China doll title, not the aparents. I went to read the blog out of curiosity, not because I wanted to read yet another aparent's testimonial to herself.
My comment on Jaye's blog was referring to aparents who say they go to learn, but then will jump down an adoptee's throat, try to invalidate or trivialize their pain or try to get adoptees to write parenting manuals. There are also some who read and comment as if they're seeking some kind of "approval" which is ridiculous.
There are two distinct differences in what I do as compared to what some aparents do. I don't "troll" aparents' blogs or shower them with emails like the ones brought up in Jaye's comments. If I have something to say I do it on my own blog with links. I don't pass protect those entries or hide them unlike some aparents, who do it behind the safe walls of groups. Ji-in didn't do it until she was harassed so much she couldn't stand it. I was not a member of any exclusive group that links offensive aparent blogs so I had no idea what to expect. Me going to read a blog out of curiosity it totally different than an aparent who's been pre-warned that a linked adoptee might be a bit pissed but goes anyway. What do they do? Write defensive sometimes even condescending comments and/or emails.
I can't speak for any of the Korean adoptees or any adoptee other than myself. Any of them are welcome to come and put in their two-cents worth, but yeah, I get a little upset when I see them being harassed even after they've made it clear that they're just blogging. I don't know how many times it's been said that they have blogs, not forums. OMG, Jaye had to lose her cookies to make herself clear. Each one of them blog for their own reasons, each are unique in what they get from it and how far they're willing to go. They're individual human beings for God's sake not fortune cookies.
Let me again make it clear that I don't see aparents in general as evil. I don't lump aparents into one large group of nasties. I've received emails from parents who share their stories and sometimes even ask questions. The difference between them and others is that they were neither demanding, clueless or defensive. I wrote a post entitled Parents are Parents in reply to an email sent to me from a very lovely couple who'd adopted a little girl from Vietnam. We keep in touch from time to time and I've come to think of them as friends. Heck, I'd adopt them if I could. They're genuine, realistic and unpretentious and they never asked me for anything more than I was willing or able to give because they read my blog and they HEARD me.